Well, I am not sore that I don't have a date on Valentines day. I didn't have a date last year but still had the most wonderful time and what's left of those memories.
I am sore over the friendships that I have lost.
I am sore that I feel out of place, self conscious and most of all awkward.
I am sore that things are not the same.
and I know you know that.
I hate feeling that way and I hate not being able to let it out.
I hate the way I don't belong anywhere anymore.
I hate the pretence and I hate the way I cannot show how I really feel.
I hate how I want to blame everybody but just can't bring myself to.
I hate how I want to hate everybody, but I only hate myself.
and I don't even fucking know why.
I hate how my heart aches when I think of the past year.
I hate how I cannot bring myself up even though I try to.
I hate how I refuse to run crying to anybody just because I want to be strong.
I hate how in reality I am fucking weak.
And fuck I hate this fucking happy blog.
i made believe @ 2/13/2006 11:48:00 PM
