We said that one day we will watch this video and cry. Today's the day I watch the video and tear. I'd give anything to go back to then. This video was shot just this Chinese New Year. Barely nine months ago. Decisions, wrong or right, were made. Things changed. People changed. Feelings changed. Time can heal, time can kill. There's so much time can do.

Today I picked up my phone, went to the messaging option, selected create new message. Then it hit me. Who was I going to sms? Nobody.

Now there's nobody's arms to be around, nobody to wake up beside, nobody to give a hundred kisses to, nobody to hug, nobody to call, nobody to sms, nobody to run to, nobody to spend a lazy afternoon watching mtv with, nobody to call mine..

I once asked God for a somebody. He gave me one. Then He took him away. After just four days.

Why?

What's the purpose?

What's the lesson to be learnt?

In the midst of making my decision there were signs. Did I interpret these signs wrongly? I highly doubt so.

God works in the most mysterious ways and I wished I knew what they were.

The Mrt ride home today was long. Music blasting into my ears, eyes closed and thinking of thoughts I shouldn't be thinking about.

If I could go back to the time when we shot the video, would I re-live my life differently? Would the decisions I made remain? I think they would. Most of my decisions would remain. Maybe if I had been outright and truthful from the start, things would've been different. But who am I to talk about MAYBE when MAYBE will never happen.

Those four days I was happy. Because in that four days, I was the center of somebody's world. In that four days, I had somebody to cry to. In that four days, I received surprises. In that four days, I received hugs and kisses. In that four days, I had someone to wake up to. In that four days, I had all the attention I wanted. In that four days.. I felt loved.

If four days is all God wants me to have, so be it. Four days, definitely not enough, but enough to have memories that will last a lifetime.

Things will never go back to the way they were.

Pure innocent and sincere.