lala..cried so hard in school tdae..dunnoe y..but i jus cant help it..u noee..no one reallie understands y i cry when i find that i've done badly..i jus cant control my tears..this seems to have become a conditioned reflex..where the sensory neurones in my eyes sends an impulse to my brain, thru the synapse blablabla n den effector neurones sends impulses to my tear ducts n tears starts to flow like tap water...bleahh..hate it..if i try to hold back my tears, there'll be like a huge thing that keeps growing in my throat...its a reallie painfull thing...its very hard...but..its the pain of studying ur ass off n not doing well dat reallie pisses me off the most...its a reallie terrible feeeling...another thing is..i cant help comparing..i feel so damn freaking inferior to every one around mi..esp my sisters..samantha wong..if u're seeing this..dun say anything to mi bout this..lala..mummy's always telling mi not to compare but how can i not?..when the fact that my two sisters are better than mi in every single waY?..im good at nothing..acting's just a passion..i havent reallie tried acting..and i dun think my acting's good..blablabla..i dun even noe what im gonna do..*siGhh* the physics paper was easy..i noe it..but i jus cant understand why i only got 58 marks!! and out of my whole class..only 4 didnt get A and im one of them..it would be okay if it were a B3 at least..but c5?!?!? fucking irritating..im so stupid okay..brainless bitch i am..blah..hate myself..wish i could jus drop dead n die..x_x i can jus imagine the scene of my body being crimated..aww...peace at last..freedom to roam the world..maybe i can jus become a wondering spirit..haha..helping my friends n family..whahah..i wish..ahhh..so damn irritated with myself..i dun wanna go school tmr..im scared to take my results..wad if i start breaking down again..den i'll be labelled as cry baby of the year...awww..wad an honour..!*bleahhhhh*..ahhhhhh!!!!!!..whatever..i am so fucking tired of my fucked up life..no one noes what it feels like to be surrounded by freakingly smart geniuses!!!!~..bleah..cos no one has ever gotten so many smart pple as their friends..hmm..in my next life..i'll make friends whose IQ is lower than MINE..wahhaha..den i wun feel like so inferior anymore..wWAHAH..*siighhh* i realised im one helluva 'the-glass-is-half-empty' bitch..hahha..full of regrets and complains..ahhh..i wishh a miracle could happen..i pray to God everyday to help me to be more optimistic..so..im keeping the faith n waiting patiently for something nice to happen..cos my life's now in a total mess..this is the worst year of my entire life..i dun think anything good has happened to mi this year yet..ARgh..or maybe its jus the whole 'no parents there to help' thing..wadever it is..2004 is the suckiest year in my life..one year that i'll nvr want to come back too..AMEN!
i made believe @ 5/17/2004 08:40:00 PM
