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i made believe @ 4/17/2007 01:20:00 PM
it's the horrible, horrible feeling of being not good enough. not good enough essay, not good enough looks, not good enough this, not good enough that, and the list of insecurities goes on and on and on. i used to feel like this in secondary school and then i thought i matured.
insecurity is psychological and i used to believe that everybody is good enough for something and now i believe otherwise. it must be the time of the month where i get emotional and grumpy and horrid.
it so fucking annoying this feeling of insecurity. i hate it, i hate it so much. i hate it so much. im never good enough for any fucking thing.
i want to make it. i really do. i want to do something decent, isn't it high time for that?
i want to do something to be proud of, i want to do something my parents will be happy about. i want, i want, i want.
i am feeling horribly discouraged and the people in the house are not helping. it's even more annoying that i cannot enunciate my thoughts to the people who want to help. no it's not just that, it isn't. and i know you think im crying over something ridiculous and stupid when you say that im over reacting.
i hate everybody now who tries to speak to me and tell me im being stupid.
evidently im not being matured about it or taking it with good measure by complaining and saying such things. but it's been too fucking long. i think it's high time i let out how i feel so don't fucking tell me how i should or shouldn't feel. stop trying to make it better because you're tone is horrid and not at all supportive and caring. please get out of my head.
can i please be intelligent, witty, gorgeous and have every other perfect gift please?
pms is such a fucking chore.
pardon me for the language and not being a lady.
i made believe @ 4/16/2007 03:29:00 PM
i had an exciting saturday. i went to have exotic, exquisite japanese cuisine at Meridien hotel. The restaurant's called Nogawa and I had stuff I never thought I would ever have in my mouth. For one, I had sea urchin. Hmm, it tasted very much like the sea. I don't know if I liked it or not, but I know i felt like i was in Bintan =/ we had a lot of different kind of Sashimi that you wouldn't get in normal japanese restaurants. The meal for four came up to a whooping $640. it was a well, good experience.
then me and bokok went to the lime flea market and she bought a dress and a bag for $50 while i bought a dress and a belt for the same price. i thought the dress was extremely cute and vintage and i think i got cheated. but i like it, i just don't know if i'll wear it more than once =/
i miss my boyfriend, sigh. i havent seen him in 9 days.
i made believe @ 4/15/2007 09:17:00 PM
it was great hanging out with ys and jl on tuesday. we should make it a point to meet every tuesday at siglap because it is waffle day (: i love siglap because it's like the holland village of the east and also because it's only a ten minute drive away.
so samantha has passed and there is bound to be WWIII.
i miss bokok. she doesn't come home very often and even if she does, she comes home late and leaves the house early in the morning. its almost like she's already moved out =/ i miss doing crazy things to make her laugh. ha-ha (:
my daddy has a blog and i think it is so cute. if i could i would paste his link here for everyone to see how cute my dad is and how great a dad he is for working so hard the past 23 years for all three of us. i love him.
sigh, i am procrastinating. i have not touched my intro to theatre essay since tuesday. the holiday is less than two weeks away and i feel as if they're already here.
p.s: hey boyfriend, i love you & i miss you.
i made believe @ 4/12/2007 08:47:00 PM
Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find, you and I collide
we're okay... we're okay.
i made believe @ 4/11/2007 03:00:00 PM
i woke up feeling sombre, i don't know why. perhaps because i am far too lazy to get my ass up to the esplanade library to start on yet another essay. or perhaps because the boy is running a high fever and all i can do is tell him to drink more water and rest well. or maybe perhaps i am getting tired from the essays and assignments as the due dates keep getting closer. or maybe, maybe i fear the essays completed are just not good enough.
perhaps i'll feel better when i start handing in the work.
the work in hand is overloading.
the library it is.
i made believe @ 4/10/2007 10:50:00 AM
i like drawing imaginary pictures with the tips of my fingers
i made believe @ 4/07/2007 01:34:00 PM
so I found time amidst the very pressurizing period of time to spend time with my friends and my dad.
yesterday I met up with the group of old friends to welcome back mr heng and sylvester from their attachment trips (well, not really, i just wanted my camera back from ys. just kidding(: ), ah i so want to do an attachment overseas too! So anyway, we went from spicy stingray, prawn egg, noodles and almond jelly at 85 to cheesecakes at cheesecake cafe to javachip frapp at starbucks. At the end of the night my stomach was cringing from indigestion. It's so fun laughing at them and their jokes and the thing is, I can only laugh at such lame jokes made by them. I'll get reeeallly turned off if it were someone else, right jialing? :D And then I rewarded ys for walking me home by driving him back. haha defeats the purpose really, but i just absolutely cannot stand walking home through the canal all by myself- it's eerie.
and then today me, sam and daddy went to swim with jerry and julia. It was hilarious and I haven't swam like that for a million years, well at least ever since we all grew up. haha (: I got cheap thrills from trying to slide down the orange and blue little tikes slide. I tried all my might to avoid getting stuck midway. haha! Then we went for the famous kway teow mee at simpang for lunch and grocery shopping after. I used to love grocery shopping with daddy, still do by the way, because only with him can I take whatever I want and toss it into the shopping cart. It's hard to do that with the mother =/
meeting my kawanlaki for dinner laters, yay! it's been almost a week since i've seen him =/
I have procrastinated way too much now and i'm moving on very slowly with my essay on Jaques Lecoq. SIGH.
must. do. work.
but SGST's flea market is tmr!
oh the temptations...
i made believe @ 4/06/2007 04:59:00 PM
My MOE-scholar-teacher-in-the-making-sister is asian on the outside and intelligently blonde on the inside.
She complained of very bad eye rings and I told her to put tea bags on her eyes and she did, but she put Chai tea bags- in case you don't know, Chai contains a lot of indian spices- She laid on mummy's bed and she told me her eyes were burning.
Oh my dear sister, you are a regular drinker of Chai tea, do you not know that Chai is erm, you know, spicy? *shakes head*
And again I wonder how come she is a teacher who has a degree in History and Politics.
i made believe @ 4/04/2007 10:15:00 PM
It elates me evertime I take out my chingchong organizer and strike out yet another assignment.
It's therapeutic just looking at the moon rise.
i made believe @ 4/02/2007 08:56:00 PM
So the SAM disease is around as Jamie says.
But we're alright, the boyfriend and I. The tinge of annoyance and frustration, it's a bad period of time what with all the nearing of assignment due dates and exams for the boyfriend. It's stressful and pressuring especially so since the model of my Antigone set isn't working out the way I wished it would have.
Last night left me baffled with the boyfriend. Never in the past year I've known him has he ever been so impractical. That was usually MY job, not his. So anyway, I was amused and annoyed all at the same time.
But we're good. Watched Freedom Writers and we had fun playing pictionary at starbucks (:
Yay, assignments are 2 down and many more to go.
I'm doing alright, I think.
i made believe @ 3/30/2007 11:15:00 PM
i love you long time
(:
i made believe @ 3/28/2007 09:59:00 PM
because we love trigger *happy 's and continuous shots (:
town-ing and gelare with jialing and weiling on tuesday was good. my dear gorgeous girls, no more rushing for bus 14 no more!! we can hang out till the wee hours of the morning without having to worry about transport, YAY! (Samantha hates me now.) Haha :D
WOOOOOOOT (:
i made believe @ 3/26/2007 06:49:00 PM
Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honoured to love you.
just like a star, corinne bailey rae
i made believe @ 3/22/2007 10:21:00 PM
I wanted my heart to be weak so it would stop right there and then. I wished I would go straight into an epileptic fit. I wanted to leave. I wanted to disappear.
fuck i wanna move out.
i made believe @ 3/20/2007 12:15:00 PM
